Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
