I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My feet surprised me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
