I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
someone owes me an orgasm
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
