VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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