Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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