That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
