we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
