I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
