she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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