i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
