Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
