Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
