Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
