How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize