And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
