one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
