So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
