Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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