i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
