How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
