I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
