My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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