Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
