I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
