just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
