My first STD was from a foam party
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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