Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
