We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
