We're facebook friends in real life
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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