And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
