My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
