i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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