A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
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We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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