we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
