remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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