There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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