you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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