this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
