Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
