the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
barbara walters just said penis...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
