Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
