Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
