I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
