it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
