Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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