I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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