found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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