That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
