I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
