Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
