Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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