its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
