I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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