summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
