I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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