No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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