screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
