'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize