If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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