got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
