do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
