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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just found puke in my bra..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
