its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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