Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize