Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
