i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
