If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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