Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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