how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
