i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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