i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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