Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
