I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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