yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
