Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
